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Jan 2, 201406:59 AMBlaska's Bring It!

with David Blaska

Walker, Epic rule in the year 2014

(page 1 of 2)

From the pages of In Business magazine.

It was touch and go, but the pallet of vacuum tubes arrived from North Korea (don’t ask) just in time to fire up Old Sparky, the venerable Sperry-Rand Univac computer. The white lab coats here at the Blaska Policy Research Werkes and Tanning Salon fed the balky mainframe a binful of punch cards encoded with the latest empirical data. Our mission: forecast the future so that you, the businessperson, can prosper in the new year come hell or global warming! After much whirring and clanking, the rusty wreck issued a puff of smoke and these startling 2014 predictions:

January: To stir up business, the president cuts an infomercial offering a free Susan B. Anthony coin to every 20-something who enrolls in Obamacare. Snowstorm is blamed on global warming/climate change. Epic Systems lands NHL franchise.

February: At the Sochi Winter Olympics, Vladimir Putin awards the Ukrainians Gold, Silver, Bronze, and a timeshare in Crimea. Michigan, preoccupied with trying to unload Detroit on eBay, fails to notice that Wisconsin has seized the Upper Peninsula, thanks to a daring midnight landing of the Washington Island ferry, blown off course at Escanaba.

March: Gravity is best picture at the Academy Awards. Steve McQueen wins best director for 12 Years a Slave as consolation for not winning for Bullitt. Israel brings Iran’s nuclear weapons development to a halt by implanting Obamacare website. Epic Systems annexes Verona.

April: Bo Ryan’s team makes the Final Four. Steve Stricker wins his first major, the Masters, after Tiger Woods is disqualified for accidentally kicking his ball out of a divot. Ann Walsh Bradley is defeated for re-election to the State Supreme Court after a Claymation video of her June 2011 smackdown with Justice Prosser, “Flying Fists of Justice,” goes viral. (Ooops! That's not until 2015!) Isolated tornado is blamed on global warming/climate change. 

May: Drafting high, the Green Bay Packers take a quarterback in the first round and sign Bear retread Jay Quitler as a free agent. Cheap. Epic Systems purchases Detroit and turns it into a virtual B&B.

June: A South Beltline bypass connecting U.S. 151 at Verona with the interstate north of Stoughton is approved in concept. The Sierra Club files suit. Summer heat wave blamed on global warming/climate change.

July: The Wisconsin State Journal, repentant for pumping raw socialism into its subscribers’ homes every Wednesday, commissions a conservative/libertarian counterpoise to The Capital Times. Blaska named editor for life. Epic Systems issues first postage stamp, honoring Lou Reed.


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Comments, page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 Next »
Jan 2, 2014 11:18 am
 Posted by  Anonymous

Can't say I find any of these predictions disagreeable. Some are downright cause for celebration! Good one, Mr. B!

Jan 2, 2014 11:40 am
 Posted by  Anonymous

Are you serious, this is total trash.

Why not read a blog, such as Ed Garvey.

Or maybe you all are afraid to read something worth while.

Jan 2, 2014 11:56 am
 Posted by  David Blaska

Is that you, Ed?

Jan 3, 2014 05:43 am
 Posted by  Anonymous

What is puzzling is Blaskas distaste for Epic. He is always spouting his pro-business bona fides, yet slams a successful area business at every opportunity. Maybe because it is run by a woman? Maybe they turned him down for a job as PR Director?

Maybe Dave can answer the question: Why do you hate Epic?

Jan 3, 2014 07:14 am
 Posted by  Anonymous

This is as much coverage of Epic, the area's largest job creator and revenue producer, as I've seen in the pages of IB. I wonder if they've paid to sponsor Bring It (I'd Rather Not Have To Come Get It) for 2014.

Jan 3, 2014 07:18 am
 Posted by  David Blaska

I don't hate Epic at all! I'm gently joshing their explosive and very welcome growth (as everyone else understands). Why do you project such paranoid fantasies? What are your issues? And why do you no longer use your on-screen pseudonym? Discredited too much?

Jan 3, 2014 10:35 am
 Posted by  Anonymous


You don't hate Epic? You sure have a strange and perverted way of showing your love.

Jan 3, 2014 10:39 am
 Posted by  David Blaska

You wouldn't be a former girlfriend, would you, Anonymous at 10:35 AM?

Jan 3, 2014 11:50 am
 Posted by  Anonymous

Dave I could see most of the EPIC predictions come try except for the one that probably already is. I will bet they already have diplomatic relations with China.

Jan 3, 2014 08:38 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

Dave, I used to enjoy, in a masochistic way, your wit. But your bile, and that of your sycophants, knows no bounds. I am no longer amused. I hope you and your fans enjoy the continued decline of Wisconsin under Walker. I weep for everyone else. I'm outta here, to spend my lavish (and to your petty eyes, unearned) state pension (bless you, Democrats!) in another state. The worst sin of all? You're predictable, and therefore boring. And mean. Very, very mean.

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About This Blog

Raised on a farm near Sun Prairie, David Blaska is a recovering liberal who spent 18 years in daily newspapers, including 12 at The Capital Times in Madison as a reporter and editor. He served Gov. Tommy Thompson as acting press secretary in 1998 and is a veteran and survivor of 19 years in state government. He served 12 years on the Dane County Board of Supervisors. From December 2007 to November 2011 he wrote the consistently popular "Blaska's Blog" for Isthmus online's "The Daily Page" until, he says, the intolerant liberals ran him off. He blogs from Madison.

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